Today was a terrible run. I feel like a total failure.
It had promise. I got changed and felt good, charged my phone, tied up my laces and felt ok.
I had eaten some crap noodles in lieu of having any real food and they tasted awful. I regretted it and chugged some water to destroy the taste, another error. I went down to the track at 6:20pm, an hour earlier than normal but it wasn’t as hot has it has been in previous days.
Walking down I knew I felt ill, walking the track as a pre warm up to the warm up I knew I felt awful. My stomach was churning and I was already hot. it was bright. My head was hurting.
I went over every cliché mantra I could think about mind over matter in order to understand that it was just my mind giving up and I was physically fine.
I ran, my feet went through the normal protest before subdueing. I focused on straightening my back and neck in order to put myself off the churning in my stomach. But it wasn’t working.
Everything was failing. I barely made my halfway mark before I checked my time, something I have been trying to stop doing. I began clockwatching and I knew I had already mentally given up. I was debating shaving 5 minutes off and cutting my loss. Training was training…
At the end I died, I went at snail pace on cool down and wobble. I took out my headphones and grew sick of listening. I was in a foul mood. A phone call topped the lot. Nothing serious, just a friend asking me to be the gooseberry on a date, I declined, she called me a name in jest. I took it too personally.
Walking into my apartment I felt like a failure and called my mother to talk, venting all my frustrations which seemed to be more than just the run, in fact the run wasn’t even the issue anymore.
That’s when I understood, yes my poor diet choice and timing had resulted in my stomach issues which created the pain but it really was the mental aspect that had taken over.
I was drained from dealing with the issues of others that surrounded me. Living as a foreign teacher in a boarding school creates a bubble type of life that when toxic can destroy you from the inside. Normally running was positive but it seemed that too much negativity was getting to me and in my mind I had given up.
After calling my mum and venting I realised that it all wasn’t so bad. I had still ran far and for a good length of time. That wasn’t always something I could have done.
So here is my advice for a bad run, the one where you just give up. (remember, I’m no professional. Just another person in trainers trying to keep motivated)
What’s wrong? Get it out. Vent it and realise that your run is still a positive thing regardless of what else is going on. Be proud of your actions regardless of what others are up to. You are doing really well! Most people don’t bother even putting on the trainers. Hell, strapping into the sports bra is a nightmare enough! And you are telling me you made it all the way out to actually run? Well done!
Vent. Reassess. Try again.
Tomorrow is another run. I will ace it.